Ups and downs

Alright, alright, here we go. Ups and downs, eh? Yet another post on request, I cannot believe it. I promised not to go completely off-tangent this time, so bear with me.

Everybody goes through moments of extreme confidence and buoyancy, and moments of depression or melancholia. And no, don't start quibbling about definitions here. There are times when everything about the world seems right. Your friends are fascinating and nice, your work or studies are zipping along and seem interesting, the weather is lovely and perfect for whatever it is you happen to be planning. Life is good. It is easy to enjoy yourself and get things right.

Then there are the times when things don't seem quite so perfect. The smallest things become the largest issues. What is usually regarded as simple and uncomplicated suddenly becomes massively difficult. You lack energy, zest, enthusiasm. The things that delight you usually now become pointless and exhausting. Nothing is worth it anymore.

Personally, I seem to spend a lot more time in the down zone than the up one. Perhaps it is because of my more suspicious inclinations. When things seem too good to be true, I generally assume that they are. If I'm feeling confident about something, I instantly decide that there definitely will be a mistake, whether it be a systematic or a careless one. As a result, even when things are going my way, I force myself down, to look at things from a controlled and objective standpoint. It seems to be the only way in which I can operate effectively. From my experience in life, shallow as it may be at present, when you feel like you're on top of the world, you tend to do things less meticulously and capably, assuming that you are doing it right despite your refusal to believe in the possibility of an error. This is clearly not acceptable. It is part of the reason I view things in a more cynical light than many people. Not because I'm a depressed sort, but because I do not let myself get carried away. Continual assessment is the name of the game, not flashes of brilliance.

Hmmm, a sports analogy just occurred to me. When I watch Formula One, people constantly complain about how Michael Schumacher wins everything, then rave about how, say, Kimi Raikkonen or Fernando Alonso have some moments of sheer brilliance. Well, I'm a fan of Schumacher. I think driving perfect Grand Prixs consistently is harder and more admirable than driving brilliant races occasionally. The point is to maintain concentration always and never lose control of oneself. Part of my own approach to life. Ideally, I would like to maintain perfect control over myself. Much of the time, I am able to do it. Pretty much everything I do is calculated and decided upon. Spontaneity is not within my scope in that sense, though it may seem to be. Even when I make a seemingly spontaneous and poorly thought through decision, it rarely is. I generally will have considered it very carefully and will be able to give reasons, results, and possible repercussions if you bother to ask me. There's a reason why I turn out to be right so often, much as people hate to admit it. I just consider these things a bit faster than most people seem to.

But the downs I get into sometimes are a bit harder to snap out of at will. There are moments when I become completely depressed with how my life is going. I wonder what I'm really doing and whether there is any reason to do so. In fact, a couple of weeks back, I found myself so profoundly bored with everything that I sank into a bit of a funk. I simply lost interest in everything, and felt sapped, unable to summon the energy to maintain the image, the connections, the intricate facade I so often compare to a web structure that I construct and term myself. These are harder to wrench away from, as they usually reflect the existing issues I face in my everyday life. It is just that when my boredom overwhelms me, these issues come to the fore, and my failure to address them satisfactorily becomes a mild obsession.

Eventually though, I do decide to snap out of it. How? I decide. I choose to act in a different manner, and it carries through to how I think. Simplistic? Perhaps. But it is effective. Rather than dwelling upon my problems, I focus on what is before me, what I can deal with and handle and grapple with. I expend my energies upon the immediacy of life rather than on my own psyche, and it works. While I may not be able to recommend this to everybody, for I am certain that each individual has a particular method of retaining sanity, this may be helpful in a pinch.

Well, if nothing else, look at the ups and downs of life as a roller coaster. The way up only builds anticipation for the moment when you're on top, then you realise that there's little at the top but maybe a good view. Eventually, the view becomes a bit tiresome, and the wind is blowing like mad, and you're just chilly. The downward rush may be scary and occasionally painful, but it can sometimes be a welcome change from being perpetually at the top. Besides, if not for the downward rush, where would the momentum for the next upward climb come from? As you progress in life, you slowly lose momentum through your repeated ups and downs, and as you age, the movement becomes less extreme, the changes less pronounced and rapid. But a life that's always in the middle, with no variations, no ups, no downs, seems to me to be lacking in excitement.

So remember that without the downs, there can be no ups, and what does exist will never be quite as exhilarating as if the extremes did present themselves. Just don't let the downward plunge crash you into the ground.