Temptation is the universe trying to tell you to do the right thing

My last Thanksgiving in Chicago, eh? Pretty sedate, as it turned out. Did not get drunk, declined the opportunity to get drunk, stayed almost completely free of alcohol for a couple of days, avoided going anywhere horrendously expensive for once.

Although I do find myself missing the possibility. Not a good sign. Losing control. Will have to either stop or just push things through.

Some people I know get all emotional over the thought of a last anything in a particular place. I personally do not. I've thought about getting sentimental, but I really am not that kind of fellow. I'm more the sort who is occasionally seen as callous and cold because I don't display the sort of lingering emotion that is most commonly seen before graduations and at airports. I would be quite happy to take a cab to the airport from home, especially considering that my flights from Singapore always leave so damn early in the morning.

I will not complain about my parents sending me off, since it is a nice gesture. I shall also avoid any more complaints about people being nice to me, since I feel guilty about feeling bad about feeling guilty. Suffice it to say that I think I shall live a life quite happy if it should be relatively free of connections too close.

I do not like the idea of growing dependent on others for my happiness, contentment and peace of mind. I would be quite happy, I think, living in a lavish apartment by myself, with a maid to come in and clean, perhaps a chef to whip up something once or twice a week, a chaffeur for wherever I feel like going, and maybe a couple of friends who I can have drinks and dinner with on occasion. With regards to the last, I shall have to improve on what I have now. I'm beginning to, well, alright, I have pretty much lost all faith in most friendly relations I possess at the moment. In general, I seem to overestimate people, and the affection they might hold for me. In the rare case that I do not, I come to care less and less for their company. Can't be a good thing. I do not wish to feel obliged to be nice to people, and I recoil at the idea that anyone feels any sort of obligation to be my friend if they have no real liking or affection for me. I hate it when I can sense that some people think that they are friends with me, so they should be nice and spend time with me. It's like reflexively proclaiming a baby to be cute, even if it is the ugliest creature ever to appear upon the earth. Or pretending to appreciate a piece of art simply because it is expensive and hangs in a famous museum. I am trying to clip and cut away those people in whom I sense this obligation. Don't bother. I don't appreciate the effort. I would prefer an honest lukewarm acquaintance to a forced warm friendship. Honesty is a thing I appreciate greatly.