One, Two, Three

A friend of mine asked me a little while back what I would wish for if I were offered three wishes. I really couldn't come up with anything that I really wanted then, but after a little thought, I think I have it.

First, I want to know what happens after I die. Is there a heaven and a hell? Is the division of souls made by some sort of sin counter? If so, then what exactly constitutes a sin, and what constitutes a good deed? After all, since we on earth have no means of knowing absolutely what is a sin and what is not, how can we be held accountable for failing to follow rules we were not made aware of? If this line of reasoning holds, then God must be unreasonable. If sins are held against us, then we will be punished for doing something we did not know was wrong. If they are not, and the doctrine of predestination holds, then no matter what we say, think or do, we have no influence over our eventual destination at all. If Mother Teresa was predestined to go to hell, then all her good works were for nothing, since things have already been decided, regardless of her intentions and actions. The good of heart can go to hell, and the truly may end up in heaven. Predestination is a horrible sort of thing to believe in. Of course, my views on predestination have been laid out before on this blog, I believe, and I will not go into them again. Maybe the way out is that if we are meant to go to heaven, then God would have made us so that we will inevitably perform more good deeds than sins. Similarly, the evil were predestined to go to hell, so they are crafted to be evil. In this way, both sides can be satisfied. Naturally, it must be said that the evil likely do not believe that they are evil. Every person sets out to do what he or she feels is the right thing. Hitler believed that he was doing the world a favour by engaging in ethnic cleansing. The whole genocide thing was perfectly justified in terms of the big picture. Even a simple hatred is justified, for if one hates another, the other is seen as evil, and one remains on the side of good.

And what if there is no afterlife? What then? Do we simply stop? Perhaps we become souls floating about the universe. That wouldn't be so bad. I could find out a lot of stuff that way. But if there is no afterlife, then where does consciousness come from? I can sort of understand how the physical body comes to be, since that is explainable in terms of the matter, but how about consciousness? How do I think about things? I cannot find my way out of the notion of some sort of supreme being that exists beyond our understanding. There has to be something at the beginning of the chain of creation. Further up, I assume is something completely beyond my conceptualisation, so I will not bother to try. Of course, even if there is a supreme being, that does not automatically mean that there is an afterlife for us. Perhaps we only exist in the here and now.

In any case, knowing will solve so many of my issues. Probably won't make me more satisfied, but I will be a lot less curious.

Second, I would like to be quite a bit less smart. I think a lot of my issues come from having too much excess power lying around. So I end up thinking about all sorts of pointless things. If I were average, I would probably be quite happy to study hard to get good grades, work hard to get promotions and pay raises, save money to get married and raise kids, then die happy, fulfilled by life. Instead, I think about these things, and find that there really is no point to it. Grades don't really matter all that much to me, other than keeping the world off my back. I don't really give a damn about a career. What is the point in achieving in a career? What does that give you? Respect? I don't need that sort of validation. I know who and what I am. I know what I am capable of. I do not need some external indicator of it. Money? Is that it? I don't want success, I just want stuff. My dream career would be to hit the lottery. Then I can go out and get all the stuff i want without having to work for it. I do not experience a sense of achievement when I accomplish something, so why should I try to accomplish anything? Kids. Who needs them? I certainly don't. Companionship for old age? What a pathetic thing to say. I don't want to be a lonely old man, so I'm going to raise some humans to keep me company. Might as well keep a dog or two. And I don't think it's a good idea for me to get married anyway. I only seem to really get along with unhappy people, and a marriage of two unhappy people doesn't seem likely to succeed.

See? If I just didn't think about it, then I would be fine. I would soldier on with life, trying my best to achieve the petty goals set out before me by society. Instead, I'm stuck between doing what is demanded of me, and giving up completely. Trapped, I tell you.

Third, I wish I could forget that I don't believe in happy endings.