Exhale and it's all gone

I feel so much better than I did just a day ago. A day ago, so many things were just snarled up and tying me down to the point where I just pushed everything else aside to avoid having new variables added to the mix. Ok, so some new variables did make it through, but things are a lot less complicated than they threatened to become.

So in the space of a single night, all the pain and confusion is gone, replaced by, um, how should I put this? Nothing. There is a remarkably refreshing lack of chaos in my thought processes. I seem to have divorced myself from all the issues that were bogging me down so badly. Now, I can wake up in the morning and not reach for a fag or a drink simply because there's a need to dull the panic.

Quite amazing.

Having sorted things through and come to a certain conclusion, I no longer feel obligated to do certain things. Finding clarity and definition have allowed all this to be cast aside. I have returned the emotional investment, extracted it and given it away, so all that's left is a collection of memories that have little weight to them. Memories cannot influence you if they mean nothing to you. That was my revelation late last night, as I asked Jim Beam for an answer to my insomnia. And so, I follow my head this time, reshaping the way I view the world until I am satisfied with it.

Not everything is cleared up, of course. Some issues remain unresolved. But the removal of the weight of this confusion that has reigned for so long allows me to deal with the issues facing me far more effectively.

And so life trips along. Calmly, this time.